I know this isn't what any of you will want to hear, but I believe that my time as a caption author has come to an end. Of course, you might read that and think "never say never". It's certainly true that I've come and gone over the years as my interest has waxed and waned. But this time feels different - it feels final. And so here I am, writing this so you're not all left wondering if a new caption might miraculously land one day. I really don't think it will.
Before I go any further, please rest assured that I have no intention of shutting the blog down. It will remain here, to be stumbled upon and enjoyed by anyone who finds it useful.
So, the obvious question: why am I stopping? The short answer is that captioning no longer holds any interest for me. The long answer is the remainder of this post, and should probably start with a bit of an introduction.
So... hi! I'm Emily, a transwoman living in the UK. I started this blog 13 years ago, after other people's TG captions captured my imagination. Back then, I knew little to nothing of trans people - I lacked the language or awareness to even begin to understand who I was. I didn't know why these captions were interesting to me - only that they were. I felt unwarranted guilt and shame when I looked at them, but it didn't stop me from coming back time after time.
I'm also somewhere on the ace spectrum, which meant that any explicit images or sex-based captions simply didn't resonate with me at all. This obviously extended to when I started writing my own - I kept things PG, focusing on all the other aspects of people's transformations.
Anyhow, as the years went on I gained more self-awareness and - more importantly - self-acceptance. Even then, it came slowly. I shuffled my way awkwardly under the trans umbrella, reluctant to label myself as anything in particular. I still didn't really get it - sure, I was trans and liked feminine stuff, but I didn't feel "trapped in the wrong body". I was mostly happy, and it wasn't like I hated my body. I was just... indifferent to it. I didn't feel "trans enough" to seriously entertain transitioning.
Until a few years ago, when I finally started reading more of other trans people's experiences and realised they were closer to mine than I could have imagined. Turns out, that imposter syndrome I'd been feeling? Yep, pretty common. And the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative simply does not describe a large number of trans people, myself included.
So I started transitioning last year, and I've honestly never felt happier. Like I say, I was happy before - but now it feels like a final puzzle piece has slotted into place. That escape from reality I used to get by dreaming up a TG scenario and imagining it happening to me... I just don't need it anymore. Because I'm living it. And sure it's slow and hard sometimes, and there's no magic wand to magically make my body exactly what I want it to be. But it's... enough.
So... that's the long version. I'm ridiculously lucky to be where I am today - to be able to afford private HRT and to have a supportive family and partner. I know that for so many others out there it's so much harder.
If you're still reading this, I hope that my captions have helped you in some small way - in the same way that writing them has helped me over the years. Whoever you are, please know that you're valid, and loved.
Thank you for all your support these past years. Look after yourselves, and stay safe out there.
~Em
